1. lmaoalien:

    i am the human version of the first piece of bread

    (via perks-of-being-chinese)

  2. mamayuuma:

    "what will your kids think of that tattoo?"
    my kids aren’t going to give 2 shits because i’m not going to raise them to be a judgmental asshole like yours did

    (Source: iiiarclight, via pandaexpressvevo)

  3. sloth-grunge:

    i would pay like $7 and one of my family members to be attractive

    (via gnarly)

    • updates on my love life:  
  4. going from “today is a good day” to “i hate my life” takes me approximately 2.6 seconds

    (via letspretend-together)

  5. (Source: theshellshack, via gnarly)

  6. (via humorqueen)

  7. sadeon:

    if your girlfriend is cold, be a gentleman. put her in the oven for 40 minutes on 350. check often and serve plain or with white gravy

    (Source: portablemiah, via youmakemylightsaberglow)

  8. hotdad-erwinsmith:

    fellas to my left…honeys on my right…folks who don’t fit into the gender binary levitate above me in cool poses…

    (via zackisontumblr)